The hand wave. Can any other seemingly innocuous human gesture communicate so much? It’s a question I ponder as I sit in my car on Laird, south of McRae, trapped in a bunged-up, narrowed lane, thanks to construction of yet another concrete beehive encircling the neighbourhood. As James Taylor sang, “Looking in the rear-view mirror, I saw myself the next car back.…” I also see a very long nostril hair that is neither in his lyrics, nor was in my nose, just yesterday. But I digress. This story is not about my follicly fertile proboscis.
You see, two minutes earlier, a very large pickup truck had edged its way ahead of me, intent on forcing itself into the lane I occupied. I had to decide whether to be a jerk and risk perceived damage to my car, by pretending not to see the giant, four-by-four of overcompensation beside me or swallow my pride and acquiesce. Pride lost out.
As he inched ahead, the driver waved through his back window. The kind of wave that says, “Thanks, but I was pushing my way in, anyway.” As a result, I didn’t respond, trying to recapture a bit of dignity. The driver waved again, more emphatically. I ignored him, enjoying the unspoken power shift. He waved a third time. This time, almost frantically. Now, I started to think something was wrong with my car. A flat tire? A squirrel wedged in my grille? I gave in and waved back. More of a backhanded flick than a wave, really, as if to say “Got it. Be happy you got your way, Bozo.” Apparently, it sent the right (wrong?) message. I was promptly given the universally understood one-finger “wave”.
Now at my destination, I sit in Lit, my go-to café, to jot down these ramblings around the observations of humans. In this case, just some of their many waves:
The Pivot: A vertical flat hand that oscillates at the wrist. Otherwise known as “The Queen’s Wave.”
The Flapper: The hand is horizontal, bending at the wrist in rapid fashion, as if hitting a small bongo drum. Often used to instruct children to “lower the volume.” Or by older parents waving good riddance to their kids after a lengthy visit.
The Curly Claw: The thumb and fingers are held tightly together in a cupped curl. Mechanically, the wave takes place at the second knuckle so only the fingertips do the waving. Reserved for babies and discreet waves, meant to be seen by only one, through a crowd.
The Side Air Slap: A versatile wave, used to instruct slow-moving cars through an intersection, make someone move out of the way, or dissipate an offending odour.
At that moment, a mom rolls in with her baby boy, strapped into a stroller. He’s staring, mouth agape, as children are wont to do with me. I crack and throw him the requisite Curly Claw. No reaction. I give it more “claw.” His face scrunches up and he bursts into tears. Mom looks at me suspiciously. I lapse into my “I’m innocent” wave, palms up, fingers splayed, shaking my hands side to side. The cry turns to a nerve-stripping scream. Mom moves off in a huff.
Hmmm, I really must deal with that nose hair.