As you may know, when I write these stories, they’re about events unfolding around me in the neighbourhood. More often, though, as is my luck, they are happening to me. But every now and then, there are little moments that are neither, really. They no doubt have a backstory – a reason for being – and are probably part of some larger story. Just not mine. Yet. Some of these moments leave me incredulous. Others make me scratch my head. Few, if any, seem to have answers. Likely, some of them are ones you’ve pondered, as well.…
- Why do people walk two or three abreast on the sidewalk but expect me, by myself, or with Jerry the Wonder Mutt in tow, to walk on the street or a front lawn, as they pass?
- Why are the tires on the food couriers’ e-bikes almost always nearly flat?
- Why do people stop outside the Starbucks in the Smart Centre and block traffic rather than park just 20 feet away in a proper space?
- Why do the teens at Leaside High drive 60 km/h, or more, down Vanderhoof, Rumsey, Hanna and Parklea with Mom and Dad’s car on their way to, or from, school?
- Why is it most often Leasiders who are guilty of the “Leaside Roll” at the stop signs?
- Why do Amazon drivers need to blast their music with their doors open as they chuck, toss and practically dropkick parcels onto our front stoops?
- … All while on the phone, talking in their “Yelly-Voice”? (There is an upside to this, however: I cancelled my Duolingo subscription and can now say “Please don’t throw it!” in four languages.)
- Why do the same drivers put packages and boxes up against the storm door, effectively creating a doorstop that forces me to get down on all fours and reach my hand through a crack in the door, to push it away?
- Why do so many stores, shops and bank branches with double doors insist on keeping one of these doors locked – usually the right-hand exit – causing me to pancake my face against the glass?
- Why is the new sidewalk snowplow’s shovel, now retired for the season, wider than the sidewalk?
- And why can’t the plow operator drive in a straight line…and stop chewing up front lawns, sheering off sprinkler heads, ripping out small fences and knocking bricks out of retaining walls?
- Is it all an elaborate scheme on their part to drive up the stock price of the company they own that makes those yellow reflective guide sticks people have resorted to using?
- Why are the speed bumps on Glenvale seen as speed JUMPS by some drivers?
- Why does the northwest corner of Bessborough and Parkhurst have a faint whiff of manure from late spring to late fall?
- Why does the crossing guard at Hanna and Parkhurst blow her whistle even when she is the only one crossing the road and no cars are present?
- Why are there so many miniature signs on lawns, at dog height, that read “No Dogs,” when dogs can’t read?
- Why does the garbage truck keep driving with my bin in his side claw, thereby dropping it in front of my neighbour’s house? (Usually on its side.)
- In the name of fuel efficiency and time, why aren’t North Leaside’s garbage days the same as South Leaside’s?
- Why do I need a garbage tag for excess bags of garbage, but not for excess recycling?
- And finally, why is there a “dead” zone at Parkhurst and Rumsey on Google Streetview?
Maybe this last question is the only one that has an answer, one that actually explains the other 19; Perhaps it’s a portal to another dimension – a parallel Leaside universe with no rolling stops, where the sidewalk snowplow is the proper width. And where, Jerry believes, dogs can read.
